I am not sure if anyone is reading my blog anymore as I am not even updating at the moment. I am going through a very difficult time , health wise.I have had so many emails asking me about it , so I have decided to tell you what I know is going on right now.
I find it hard to talk about since I am still in an 'unknown' zone myself except for the fact that for the last two years, I have had a low glucose in my blood(very low) and no one picked it up.I will not start blaming my GP as most of the times I visited my GP, there was a new one there, so it would be hard for them to understand who they are dealing with.
But anyway,I have already collapsed two times and once in those two times I was on my own, and at first I thought I was going to be sick. I was lying down in bed, so I got up and went to the bathroom.Then I started to sweat, I was shaking and I collapsed. I must have been on the floor for a few minutes and when I woke up, I was shivering and I was cold as ice.It was in the middle of the night and my family was sleeping. I had no energy to call anyone.At that time, I thought of my mum, who once said to me, if you are alone and you are sick, or fainting or wotever, you have got to gather yourself up and do something for yourself.Because I was leaving home when I was 19 to go to Uni abroad, my mum was always worried about me.
So I remembered what she told me and managed to got up, and dragged myself in the kitchen to drink something. When I look back, I don't even know how I have done that. I also managed to go upstairs again, but it took me ages to get there.Once in my room, I just went to bed, feeling as though, I was outside my body(weird feeling I know!).
But the next mornning, I was fine.I was even wondering if that was only a nightmare!!But when I saw my glass of water next to my bed, I confirmed it wasn't!Then, after a few days, it happened at work....that feeling of going to be sick si so awful.But the feeling of losing control of your own body is worst. That was when I knew something was wrong. I did associate this with my PCOS but my blood test result revealed that besides the PCOS, there is this low glucose issues.
And, it is taking a lot of time before I can see a specialist to help me....too long.I am trying to get an earlier date of appointment...
So for now, I am just taking each day as it comes. Now, everything is so much clearer to me. I always used to wonder, why I was feeling the way I was, over the last year or so. And sometimes when I am at the gym, I cannot work out properly if I do not take an energy drink.And why sometimes, I come home from work, and flopped on a chair and feel as though, I will never move from that chair!Some people thought I was just faking it(oh yeah, some people did think that!).I don't really care, but it hurts.Anyway, the reason I am sharing this with you today is because, I want you to know, this is how you might feel if you have a low glucose level in your blood.And, sometimes, you might even feel as though you are very light headed, and nothing makes sense to you, in other words, you are just confused. And , do not let anyone tell you that the pain you are feeling , is not that painful, or the diziness you are getting is not diziness...You live with your body , you know your body.When a few months ago , I was told my blood result was fine, I didn't insist with the doctor.He said I was simply tired and gave me vitamins!
But the last time I went, when the doctor showed me my blood test results over the last two years(there were 6 blood tests result) on the computer screen, where the Low glucose has been highlited in red and called for attention, I just stared blankly at him.
I have no energy to query why someone neglected to take care of this.I have some energy right now to only try and sort it out.The doctor only said it is related to diabetes.This is fine too(well not really!), but what should I do? Meanwhile, how do I cope?
So, my appointment is in a months time, and all I can do is try and cope.I feel worst as the days are going by but I have good and bad days. My sister told me that all this is happening because I am turning 32 this year! I didn't understand what she meant, she explained that, when you hit 30, that's it, you start growing old and getting all sorts of complications...It then occured to me that she is turning 30 , so I think , she is having a middle age crisis, the fear of growing old. I don't blame her, i felt like that when i was 29! but , 32 is young! Isn't 32 the new 20 or something? And I have been through so much with my health, that nothing really bothers me.All I want is to try and sort it out, ASAP, so I can get on with life.
So, here is my story and I do hope that you will understand me. I am determined to keep trying and do some stuffs to keep my mind off things anyway. But after a week at work, I feel drained out by the week end!But I am hoping to put up a video and a card this week end, wish me luck!
Bye for now and feel free to email me if you have any advice you wanna give me or if you have any queries or request.
Bye for now and take care,
Do not give up on me as I have not given up on ya,
Friday, March 27, 2009